Truth about heaven
by Terranima
Summary: Near end of New Moon Edward decides that he can't stay away anymore, but when he comes back will he hold to his promise of letting Bella be happy without him? Chap 1 preface
1. Preface

It was a cold and raining night in Chicago. Much different from the hot humidity of South America that I had been used to, but in truth made no difference since I could not feel anything anymore. I was now completely numb, and no soaked to the bone in rain.

I had decided to return to Bella, I couldn't take this loneliness anymore. My non beating heart ached for her touch, her lips again mine, or simply a look at her. I had told myself that if I should return and see her happy then my life would be spend in this eternal loneliness. Yet before I could return to her I had to see something first.

As I approached the graveyard, the numbness seemed to increase.

_Edward Anthony Mason_

_1901 – 1918_

That's all it said, what did I expect, my parents had died before I did. Yet as I stood before my empty grave I felt as dead as I would have been if I was buried beneath my feet. My parent's grave was beside mine, the graveyard was old yet well kept, so the beautiful red flowers should not have surprised me to much, yet in the dark night they stood out against the black tombstone.

I reached out to grab one, to feel those soft peddles against my stony skin, hoping that it would fill me with feeling, but it did not.

The rain had now stopped and I could see the early risers come to life. I turned again to my grave.

"_Goodbye"_ I whispered and took off in the direction of Washington. Now more then ever did I need to see my angels face.

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So yes this is chapter 1, and it's ok... in my mind. BUT I'd love to hear your opinions, especially if I should continue.

**Next chapter** would be Edward arriving in Forks and seeing Bella, but she ain't alone, and that certain dog feels like torturing poor Edward. Will Edward come out of the shadows to greet his angel? Or will he follow his promise and leave without saying goodbye?


	2. Chapter 1

I stumbled out of the forest and into Bella's backyard. Something did not seem right; there was the strangest smell...

Bella, yes I was here to check on Bella. I got up to her window to find it jarred shut. Huh, so I guess I'd have to find another way in. The front door was easy to open, and I made it all the way without making a sound. I opened her bedroom there, and under the covers I saw my angel. 

I walked ever so slowly over to her, afraid that I would wake her with any drastic movement. My hand had a mind of its own and reached for her cheek, barely touching her yet her warm spilled into me. This is what was like to feel, and I could feel not only my pain but hers. Why, oh why did I leave her?

"Bella…" her name escaped my lips. My face now centimeters from hers, I could kiss her right now, I could wake her and make this alright.

"Edward…"she cried, tears came from her eyes. I flinched and moved across the room, did I really cause her that much pain?

'_Now for her screaming'_ came Charlie thoughts.

'Screaming?' I thought confused, but as I thought it Bella began to scream at the top of her lungs. I needed out of here. I couldn't stand to hear her in such pain; I forced the window open and ran.

I stopped. What have I done? How could I have done that to my angel? Had she finally seen me as the monster I truly am? Why did she scream?

'_Bloodsucker'_

'_Leech'_

'_Vampire'_

These thought entered my mind in seconds, I was suddenly alert and turning in circles to try and locate he direction these thoughts came from. In a second I was surrounded; Werewolves.

'_What are you doing here leech!?' _came an angry thought, and the others awaited my answer like they knew I could here their thoughts.

"What are you doing on our land?" I asked back; it was true they were on Cullen land.

'_Answer me!' _commanded the same angry voice, the rusty brown wolf.

'_Jacob, he speaks the truth.'_ Told the black wolf_'Vampire, we do need to talk, but not now'_

I nodded a yes, understanding that something was going on I did not know of, and that the black one did not want a fight.

As they walked away I caught another thought from the brown wolf, Jacob.

'_Leave Bella alone'_

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**TO BE CONTINUED IN A FEW MINUTES...**

I am posting the rest of the story today so here post # 1_.  
_


	3. Chapter 2

I had decided to watch Bella from a distance, it was the beginning of Spring Break and she had woken early to drive up to La Push. This did not make me happy, I could not watch her there, me going anywhere near that place would void the deal we had made with the werewolves years ago. Later she left, with a boy tailing her truck on a motorcycle.

I decided I peak into his mind and find out what had happened while she had been there.

Both Bella and the boy were walking on the beach. Hand in hand, this boy's love for Bella was very apparent, yet she seemed uncomfortable, like this was not what she wanted. Even though, Bella held onto his hand. This made the boy very happy, he felt like he was getting somewhere finally.

"Jacob, I've got to get to work" she said after minutes of silence

"I'll follow you over." The boy, Jacob replied. Disappointed that he could no longer hold her hand.

Jacob… why did that name haunt me so?

Now it was back to me following them to Bella's place of employment, the Newtons.

Her shift seemed to go by well, Mike was the same as always, yet his were the next thoughts that ran through my head.

'_I'm so glad she somewhat back to normal. But I don't think she'll ever be like she used to be.'_ Memories of Bella being distant and non-social came to me. Oh my angel, why couldn't you have moved on? You were to good for me, you deserve something more then this horrid pain.

When the shift ended she returned to La Push and I again waited just outside the reservation.

That night she didn't scream, whatever happened in La Push made her happy enough to forget about me for a night. As I sat in her chair and watched her sleep, I came to the realization.

Jacob, the rusty brown werewolf…

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**TO BE CONTINUED IN A FEW MINUTES!**

Ok so chapter 1 and Chapter 2 where not my best writing but its just stuff that I needed to get out of the way for this to work.


	4. Chapter 3

The Rain continued to pour and I was soaked to the bone, sea and rain water froze my clothes, but this cold held nothing to the coldness of my being. I sat on the front steps of my family's old home, looking at Bella pictures of us together her other gifts lay beside me on the steps. Nothing mattered. After what I had seen and heard today I was prepared to catch a flight to Volturi to kill myself for what I have done to my sweet Angel.

_**earlier that day...**_

It was Wednesday now, and again Bella drove up to La Push. Hours passed and I hear nothing from the inside.A Storm was rolling in and I hoped that the _dog_ would know better and bring her to so shelter and soon if she was on the beach. I could smell the dogs now, running sniffing, searching for something. The rain began to fall and my cell rang, Alice more then likely. The I could feel something was really wrong. I left the phone unanswered and ran for the beach. I no longer cared about the packed. Bella, my angel, my soul was in danger and nothing would stop me.

I found her at the top of a cliff; arm up in a diving position. No, this was not right. She was trying to kill her self? Why oh why my dearest Bella, you have somemuch to live for. I had broken one promise today; I might as well break another. I needed to save her.

"Bella…" I said "Don't do this…" I was begging now

"Please for me."

I could see she was thinking, a smile showed on her face.

"_Please…_" I whispered, barely making a sound. I was a meter away from her. If she would open her eyes, she would see me. 'Open your eyes Bella' I thought.

She then stood on the balls of her feet.

"NO Bella!" I almost yelled. She smiled again, like she was doing this for me, and her arms went up again.

Then she jumped, falling feet first. I reached for her but only held air.

Her scream filled the air, and she hit the water. I followed her into the water. Fighting to reach her in the ice cold water, she kept sinking deeper and deeper. She looked like a rag doll being pushed everywhere by the powerful current.

"Bella Swim!" I tried to yell. I began to see the unthinkable, her stopped fighting.

"Stop that! Don't give up!" I was hoping some much that my words where reaching her. She again began to swim.

"Dammit Bella fight!" I could see her dying, swimming hard I was so close to reaching her and the pulling her to the surface. Now I was getting angry, she was giving up again, looking at me with eyes filled with love,trying to reach out to me. She was excepting death.

"No Bella NO!"

As I reached out and touched her fingers the current took her. Shee hit something hard and her lungs were now taking in the water.

Then I heard her thoughts for the first and last time

'_Goodbye, I love you'_

**To be continued…**


	5. Chapter 4

When I broke the water I saw her Jacob fighting to keep her alive. Seeing his pack all around, I knew that she would be taken care of. She would survive, and I would have to survive without her. The whole time she was smiling at me. That she had accepted death because of me...

I ran to her house, angry at myself and angry at Bella for giving up. Why was it that she had given up at the sight of me? The rain continued to fall. Did she see me as her heaven? Being with me was better than being alive? Oh lord, why had I done this to her!? Anger continued to fill me up. I was in her room now, glancing at the floor for the floorboard that held our gifts to Bella. I took it all, any little detail that was us needed to be gone. I was only going home to burn it.

And I was back to were I started sitting on my front steps. I saw my angels' happy face, full of love for me, the monster that ruined her life. I set the gift and photos on the stairs and took the gasoline. Come on Edward you can do this. Make it real, destroy it, destroy the memory, but I couldn't. My body shook with tearless sobs. My life was over, I was now truly dead. I had almost killed my very soul, my Bella, because I could not reach her. She was always to far away, always to good for me. She would always be the lamb and I would always be the lion. We would never just be.

Then it finally dawned on me. I didn't return hoping to find Bella happy and continuing on, I returned to find her in pain. I had returned so that I could tell her I was miserable without her, I was nothing without her. She was my soul, my angel, my sun, my everything. Without her in rained everyday in this so called heaven, this never ending life.

Bella, what I want to say is don't believe that everything is better when you leave everything behind. Don't believe that the world will go on without you. My world, will now forever be rainy, the sun will never shine.

I couldn't stand it anymore, I need to tell her. I need to show her everything that she is to me, and hope that I can once again live with her as my sun.

Yet, as I reached her home, her and her Jacob in his ….car. I could see she had found her own sun. Maybe I should ruin this thing they had with me coming back and telling her everything. Again I was thorn between what was right for her and what was right for me. When they hugged I gently whispered _"Be happy"_, deciding I loved her more than destroying her. I was turning when Jacob began to shake, did he smell me? No there was someone else… Alice. When Bella fought with him to let her go, she new it was one of us, and I saw that she wanted us more than she wanted him. Could me coming back make it all better? Maybe, so i decided to watch her and Alice.

She relived it all with Alice the pain and the heartache. That night I would tell her everything. Deciding now was no better a time then never I walked into the living room, Alice glaring at me.

"Edward, now is not the time. You're only going to make it worse." She said knowing what I was doing.

"No, Alice I need to do this." Gently I woke Bella. As she saw me pain filled her eyes, tears spilled from them

"_Edward…Why?"_ Her voice barely above a whisper.

"Bella…" I kissed her, and woke her fully. Her eyes stared into mine, her hand reached for my cheek, and I turned away form her touch.

And I told her:

"I just had to leave"

**END**

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And so the stories over care to comment???? 

Thanks a bunch for reading it!!!

Aleks


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